“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love”
That depressed, bald child was right. Nothing sucks the good out of life like unrequited love. In a way, unrequited love is funny feeling (like being the Woody Allen in your own life, you break the third wall, tell everyone how pathetic you are and then make jokes out of your tragedy).
I’m no stranger to unrequited feelings (I still have not gotten any sort of reply to my love letters to Mr. Mel Brooks) and I think the experience helps me to grow each and every time it happens. I totally think that the hole in your gut made by unrequited love is a fertile place to FIGHT BACK AND GROW.
Let me illuminate my previous situation. I dated a boy, I fell in love – he didn’t. End of story. I knew that he would never love me pretty early on in the relationship, so I’m lucky in that, I got my grieving over while we were still together and I had someone to lean on. Which is odd in itself that the person I turned to get me over it was the person that was causing the pain, that’s some The Way We Were shit. (All Babs and Gilmore Girls enthusiasts will know, those who have forsaken Streisand and Lorelai can take a gander at this video reference).
At first, hearing that you’re not loved totally blows. It sucks the big one. But it is nothing compared to the mushroom cloud of doubt that comes after. The unanswerable questions, those HURT. Do I fall in love too easy? How do I stop that? Will I ever be loved? Can boys not take me seriously? ALL THAT BULLSHIT. The answers to those questions are different for everyone. I tried to convince myself for far too long that I didn’t love him. (Picture me screaming to myself in the car that I’m not in love. Hilariously pathetic visual, right. More embarrassing yet funny epithets to come in the upcoming WJ Zine – Cluttered Pocket. Get stoked for it.) But the truth is, I do fall in love too easily but I prefer it that way. I like falling head-first into life and enjoying the crap out of it. I love loving. I love rejoicing in the good things all around me; people, movies, MUSIC, food. I love falling for these things and letting them become part of me and I WON’T CHANGE just because I’ve been hurt. I’m not wounded and I’ll never act like I am. I’ve decided to stop putting barriers on myself to save my feelings, I want to FEEL EVERYTHING. Having two feet out of the situation I wonder if I was really in love at all but the big difference is; I don’t need answers to these questions anymore because the answers don’t matter. I’m happy because I know that I have the capacity to be over-excited and a little foolish and I prefer that to being dead on the inside and serious. Fuck that. In the end, you need to let that fool go because you deserve to love someone that will love you back.
NONE OF THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD
Lists put things in perspective for me. So here’s a compact list of things worse than not being loved.
- Famine (plain and simple. Totally worse)
- Ashton Kutcher’s hat selection in the early 2000s (gross)
- Bumping your elbow. twice
- Forgetting about daylight savings time and being late for your dog’s euthanasization appointment (it’s happened)
- Death (ka-pow! The end-of-all-ends!)
- THE END OF DAYS (Ain’t nothing worse than the end of it ALL)
See, lists help.
ABOVE ALL, remember the immortal words of Cole, Elliott, and Kim . . .
“If he ain’t gonna love you the way he should,
then let it go.”
WAXY JANE x Unrequited Love Mix (No Peanut Butter)
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